Simply Carmen

2018-11-25T22:18:00.025+08:00

[ i'm crushed black and blue, but you know i'll do it all again for you. ]

I used to keep all my feelings inside

From your eyes,

I have nothing to hide

Baby, you came in the nick of time

2009-07-18T16:59:00.002+08:00

this blog ends here.
kept for past memories.
im starting a new phase of life.
join me, will you?
http://unwanted-inception.blogspot.com

2009-07-18T13:24:00.002+08:00

blah blah blah blah blah.
fact is the post is not on my blog.
D-E-L-E-T-E-D
hmm.. what just happened?
i dnoe, i MOVED ON! :D

2009-07-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

carmen you are an idiot
methinks: "huh? why?"

carmen's conscience: it's her blog so why do you care so much about what she type about?
idiot. you continue ignoring, you'll notice that she is talking to herself about being better.
you know clearly who won. especially since you're gonna be a year ahead in academic.
just go and study hard to promote dumbass.

( my conscience speaks the truth. i need to study hard. goodbye mx. kick u out of my world! )

2009-07-17T18:42:00.002+08:00

I HAVE AN EXTREMELY LONG LIST OF WORK TO COMPLETE.
thanks to my greatest sin called sloth. rawr.
need to start working harder. i've only left with a year til A levels.
1 year carmen. keep it to only a year.
do well for your OWN benefits, and not to PROVE others you are BETTER.
cos you are who you are! (:

i shall put the list of work on my blog. then i can slowly strike them out!
should i change blogskin? hahhaa. i am boreddd.

2009-07-17T09:27:00.004+08:00

i'm supposed to forget about the past. so i deleted what i wrote.
forget forget forget!!

2009-07-16T01:19:00.001+08:00

what if i disappeared?
Would you wait for my return?
I give up. I hate arguments.
I'm just gonna listen to your every word.
I take the blame for all the nonsense.
And i apologize for every shit i had made you endure.
I am sorry. And i'll just try my best to change without complaining.
All these, to prove i really do love you from the bottom of my heart.

2009-07-14T23:41:00.002+08:00

school was like a zombified world to me.
omg... i swear, if there werent pe today, i would've collapsed.
felt quite faint in the morning.
geesh, i need sleep.
and i need time. so tell me, how do i get those 2?
everybody say : " TIME MANAGEMENT"
geesh, yea yea i know.

went to the library to study after school.
argued with daryl lim.
stupid lesson. rawr.
baby came to pick me up, kinda from the library.
was supposed to go home, but i was hungry!
so went over to science center mac.
omg, i think we're both damn high today.
hehe. fun fun. me like! and me missed the crazy times we had last yr. hehe.
oh wellxzxz. me lurrb euu babexzx.
[ honestly, that was gross. ]
wahahahha, omg damn boreddd.

oh oh! javier said he wanted to block me on msn
and i replied, " you block me, i condominium you."
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
i couldnt believe myself either.
i dont know what am i high on.
but im tired.
i havent studied finish.
i hope i can do well.
ARGH JIAYOU CARRRRRMENNNN (:

training is resuming next week. me happy me happy me happy!!!
SMILEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS :D

2009-07-13T22:36:00.003+08:00

went to study with pearl and yuzheng today.
today their 13th month lei.
so cute.

geog got so much to cover.
omg so much work.
and im on the com.
i need to start studying.
baby, help me ):
booo...

i wanna earn money from blogging.
cos today, suddenly alot of people say my blog very nice to read.
all because of my scoldings to other people.
whose comeback are only contradicting themselves most of the time.
and they keep wanting me to know my facts first.
dumb asses.
aiya.. i need to study. zzz.
CANNOT RETAIN!

2009-07-13T00:03:00.002+08:00

went to church. And i listened to sermon.
Went to city hall to meet assholes.
Omg, kaina, next time if you're not going or i'm not going, we're both not going.
I FELT SO AWKWARD.. Omg!
Thank goodness the food was worth my time.

Went off after lunch to find babe.
Happy 10th sweets.
Reached his place and uncle was super funny.
He handed this stick tht helps in removing shoes to me.
As i was listening to music, i couldn't hear what exactly was he saying.
I thought why would i need tht stick with my heels. Hahaha.
Turns out uncle passed it to me, asking me to use it to whack raymond up. Hahaha.
Funniest thing was, uncle's face was straight throughout. Lol!
Spent time chatting. Love his company. (:
Before i left, saw some of those square photo albums on the floor.
Told raymond tht those albums was more nostalgic than digicams now.
Opened up the top one, and omg, baby looked so cute when he was 3. Heh.
Love ya babe. *hugs*

Went home before going out for dinner and movie with family.
Went to watch ice age 3.
Baby dinos were cute! Omg!
But baby mammoth Peaches was like the cutest on screen. Haha! Nice show. I like it. Hee.

Javier and gwen, (if u read my blog) let's not be the slackest and work hard to promote yo! Wheets!

2009-07-12T03:35:00.001+08:00

seriously carmen, like wtf are you trying to do? So unreasonable and still say you're trying hard to change. You can just try banging your head on the wall or just give yourself one tight slap across your face.( i think i did tht, doesn't seem to work.) Raymond is already trying freaking hard to help you and you're just not doing enough. Can you like learn to take no for an answer? Raymond is doing everything that he thinks is best for you, so why the fuck do you always have to argue with him? Don't you have anything better to do? Why can't you just listen? Everything doesn't go your way alright? You're really a huge disappointment. Hais.

Note to self: stop arguing. Let a happy day end happy. Let a sad day end happy as well. Don't fucking argue anymore or i should just go hang myself.

To him: sorry sweets. I really am. I'm trying, but i'll have to try harder than whatever i'm trying. Thanks for being my pillar of strength and support. Thanks for loving me til you'll do anything for me. Ily too. *hugs*

2009-07-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

what a disappointment.
Would it be better if i was just a weakling that cant stand up for herself? Cos i wouldn't even dare to scream.
All can say is i'm sorry.
I'm such a huge disappointment.

2009-07-09T00:07:00.002+08:00

maybe all i needed to do was trust.
relaxed, i am.
calm, i am.
at ease, not yet.
expressionless was my face.
trust, maybe that was all we needed.

2009-07-08T00:49:00.003+08:00

3 years.
let emotions overwhelm me time and time again.
or do i just lock them all up,
taking them out only when the time is right?
i just kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
"why does the timing keeps getting longer and longer?"
i have no idea. but what's waiting another year, after waiting 5 months?
so if i can wait a year, why not 3 years?
carmen, YOU ARE NUTS!
somebody help me ):
really, please, save me..

" where the heart will be, it has a thousand ways. where the heart will not be, it has a thousand excuses. "

2009-07-06T23:31:00.002+08:00

complete my EoM. (after damn long)
i think it has lack of words.
and i think it makes no sense.
hais what a screwed pw.

babe came over.
slack at my place before going for movie.
watched transformers.
i think the old man decepticon damn cute (:
movie was nice.
really enjoyed the company of my boy.

but then, why cant relationships be as straightforward as it has always been?

2009-07-06T01:41:00.001+08:00

i am so stressed out.
yes, carmen sarah wee has finally hit it.
i hate pw to the max.
hais. EoM is a chore.
i feel so tired ):
made babe angry today.
sorry sweets ): please dont be mad anymore.
if you think there is nobody who appreciates you,
do know that you are greatly appreciated by this little girl (:
love you loads.

i need sleep :/

2009-07-04T13:37:00.002+08:00

geesh, what a hectic saturday ):
woke up for src training at 9am.
omg, it was so tiring.
i feel so exhausted.
frisbee, sprints, down the line passes. sounds fine right?
this is our warm up: push ups, planks, leg raise and the other i dnoe how to call it.
it's the twist ur body to the right and left, lay back down thn throw the ball up to ur partner.
i dont think anybody understands. but whatever.
TIRING LA! warm down is so.. geesh.

now im trying to rush my EoM.
but i feel so dead to even do anything ):
babe, i need help like now! but that idiot go watch ice age 3. lol!
aiya sleep la!

2009-07-03T16:04:00.004+08:00

fact #1: "you either live with his lies or try to change him" - her exact words.

Taught him to speak the truth. She didnt wanna listen. Can't say i didn't try.

Fact #2: the actual phrase is "a picture speaks a thousand words" but it's worth a shot at trying to improve her english with that million words phrase.

Fact #3: he didnt show her the pictures, neither did i. I have the rights to upload whatever pics i wanna upload on facebook. She just wanna hurt herself by saving the pics. I haven't sued her for copyright. (:

Fact #4: i don't need her pity. I still want him cos i love him. If she think she loved him before, she won't consider revenge.

Fact #5: he will never treat his friends the way he treated her. Cos they are his FRIENDS, not a girl he chased. :P

Fact #6: why feel disappointed when she has already expected to be lied to? (:

Fact #7: how'd she know where the pics were taken? Downstairs where? Wanna know where? It was on a train. Geesh.

Fact #8: i didnt delete the album. I just blocked her from viewing. :P

Fact #9: i am happy cos i'm moving ahead in life with my babe while she is stuck in the past cos of revenge. Geesh

This is a random post of facts for readers which i've gained thru this dumb situation. Most i guess might be from MI. His story, her story. What's above, is what i'll reveal of my story.

Raymond i know you'll get mad, seeing this as a post that will make your life difficult in school. I have thought about you kays? Life would be difficult without a doubt. But i wrote this post cos i care. Should anything happen in your school, i dnoe if i can manage to escape from my school to help. This is my way of clarifying things. All facts derived from her post and clarified if they were wrong. Yes, i know you deserved to be punished sweets, but i also know revenge is not the right thing to do. Revenge is NEVER justifiable. That's just plain crap.

Ma xin, enough. Stop whining on your blog. Don't trap yourself in the past with revenge. Move on with life. Yes i was harsh, blinding the fact that raymond is at fault. But i have given him quite a piece of my mind. I honestly don't hate you. Dislike maybe, but that's cause you're so stuck in the past, i don't think you have the rights to call me immature. We're 17. In 3 years time, we're gonna be 20. Isn't it time we tried to grow up and handle this like young adults? Your friends are supportive of you, i agree. But true friends also teach you what's right and what's wrong. My friends have taught me to stay calm n ignore you. But i believe you need to wake up. Revenge is not what you should do. If you love yourself so much, why allow him to still be part of your life as you constantly think of destroying him? The thought of revenge makes you no different from a murderer. Everybody gets cheated in life. Before raymond, i was cheated on before. If you think you hurt, would you wanna try my life?

From this post onwards, i SWEAR! I am forgetting the june hols incident. It's time to just focus on my studies.

2009-07-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

i think that love brings out the maximum a girl can sacrifice for her boy.
teeheehee.

omg im having alot of random thoughts that actually do make sense.
bloghopping sure is fun!

2009-07-02T19:49:00.000+08:00

hatred will soon eat into you if revenge is constantly on your mind.

Just a random thought.
Must stay happy. (:

2009-07-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

got this from charlyn's blog.
babe, read it. (:

Pisces Strength Keywords:
- Compassionate
- Adaptable
- Accepting
- Devoted
- Imaginative

Pisces Weakness Keywords:
- Oversensitive
- Indecisive
- Self-pitying
- Lazy
- Escapist

Pisces and Independence:
Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. When they are independent and inspired by life's events, their creativity comes shining through but they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.

Pisces and Friendship:
Pisces will go out of their way to help a friend. They are extremely sensitive and loyal. They will take a friend's problem and make it their own and suffer with them. This is the weak spot of Pisces but any friend of this zodiac sign should know that although they are attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help, this actually does more harm them good. Even though Pisces will offer to make everything right, do not allow them to take on all your problems because they will lose their identity in your situation. They need a strong positive friend to make them strong. Pisces like adventure, new situation and social events. A Pisces friend will always have something exciting in mind and it is a very fulfilling, long lasting friendship.

Pisces and Business:
Pisces does not take well to a position of leadership or high business person, they are too sensitive and lacking in self-discipline and lacking self-confidence for a positions such as that. What they are good at is is writing, acting, poetry, or being musicians. Pisces are excellent at anything that tugs at the heart strings and mystical/spiritual. They are extremely creative and can use their skills of creativity and their understanding of people to inspire others. Unfortunately, most Pisces take the easy way out in life and never attain the degree of fame that they possibly could, they have to stop self-doubting themselves because they are capable of being good role models and leaders to others, people do look up to them.

Pisces and Temperament:
The Pisces personality is hard to pin down, it is very mysterious and elusive. Pisces are molded by their surroundings, they incorporate their experiences and surroundings into themselves. They have extreme compassion and they feel the pain of others. If something is wrong in the world that affects them, it affects them deeply, they take it to heart and feel extreme feelings regarding the matter. When they are happy, they are extremely happy and when they are sad, they are extremely depressed.

Pisces Deep Inside:
Pisces have an intuitive and psychic ability more then any other zodiac signs. They trust their gut feelings and if they do not, they quickly learn to because they realize that their hunches are usually correct. Pisces downfall is their sensitivity and their inability to reject another person. They do not like rejection and they try to treat others the way they want to be treated so they will rarely say no to a person for fear of hurting their feelings. They will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes them feel good. Pisces is the zodiac sign of self-undoing. People born under this zodiac sign are not susceptible to bad luck and unfortunate events, they bring them on themselves by overindulging, laziness and a knack for picking poorly suited partners and friends. They want people in their life who stir their emotions because this helps them to practice emotional stability. The inner conflict of Pisces is extremes of temperament and conflicting emotions. They are trying to pinpoint themselves on the real world while their spiritual world can cloud their vision, they will try to escape or avoid a situation instead of confronting it. Pisces eternal struggle is to learn to use their powers and their imagination in a positive, productive way and vying for emotional stability by not giving away their emotions to everyone else, they need to help themselves.

Pisces in a Nutshell:
Pisces is the sign of mysticism, mystery and the spiritual unknown. Pisces live in two worlds, the real world and the spiritual or mystical world where they interpret what they see into what they want. They do this to avoid all the realities of pain and suffering in the world. They have extremes of emotions and feel both good and bad intensively. Pisces have formidable intuitive ability. Most Pisces are somehow involved with occult or spiritualism. Pisces are very good at understanding people for they have the ability to delve into the psyche and see behind a person's motivations. Pisces are prone to drug addiction and indulging lifestyles because of their eternal search for themselves and their fear of confrontation and having to change a situation, also they justify drug use by allowing it to get closer with their 'spiritual selves'. Once they aware this is why they are doing it, it will be easier to kick the habit. Pisces are not the pushovers that they may seem, in fact they have strength of character and will stand up for what they believe in and and they can do hard work for something they believe in. They can be very lazy but only in matters that they do not care about. Pisces is the most sensitive of all zodiac signs

2009-07-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

i wonder.
why privatise blogs and allow only some friends to see it?
i mean, if you wanna keep it private, keep a diary.
allow some friends to see it, why not just let your friends read the diary?
if a person opens a blog on the internet, it is available worldwide.
and yet they have all these privacy things.
is it because it's easier to type? guess it is.

okay that was a weird topic.
but i am bored like to the max.
hais. i have nothing to do.
i really really dont wish to do any work.
i wished somebody could help me with my work.
ahh but the year is coming to an end.
i need to buck up for my promos.
haiss. carmen, your life is screwed.
me:"YOU WISH ASSHOLE!"
hahahah like talking to myself works.
zombification has driven me nuts.
i think i wanna stone. ciaos.

2009-06-30T23:31:00.004+08:00

sch ended at 1.30pm cos chinese teacher not arnd.
and i completed my wksht.
babe came over my place.
slack.
6 plus got ready and went out.
babe went home, i went to meet weijie for dinner.
went fish & co's. had ice cream later.
hazelnut is a nice flavour.
my blog has no tone for today.
cos i've lost my happy mood.

yes im willing to do anything for you.
BUT DON'T FUCKING TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.
thn again, i'll always go back to you in the end.

2009-06-29T21:06:00.002+08:00

SO WHAT!?
i'm having more fun than you. teeheehee!

hahah i dont give a hoot anymore.
time to get crazy!
I HAVENT GIVEN GRACEY AND YOKSAN THEIR GIFT.
hahaahha.

i need to complete chinese.
GO CAR GO! JIA YOU! hahah.
jiayou totally suits my name (:

2009-06-28T20:36:00.002+08:00

i didnt know telling the truth was wrong.
and apologising was also wrong.

here's the truth. all in my blog
go and check back. dated sept 12, 2008 onwards.
how much happiness, how much hurt.
all recorded.

not like it's much help. i'm still seen as a liar.
i'll just hide in the shadows and be the secret you want me to be.

2009-06-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

dinner with raymond's family.
Excluding his mum, including da jie's boyf. (his name is jiawen. Same like me!)

Had teppanyaki for dinner. Meat was tender. Me love scallop and chawanmushi. Heh. Uncle kept talking from education to health to countries. Haha. Zhen wei remembered the complain by me which i said my sis always gang up with raymond. So zhenwei n i ganged up today. For awhile. Haha!

However.. I left feeling unwelcomed.

2009-06-26T12:14:00.002+08:00

haha. Currently at the national museum as i'm having lit retreat. Lol. Am slacking at film section cos i found internet. Heh. I can't wait to go home cos i'm damn bloody tired and i wanna sleep. Geesh.

To jea:
Hello to you. Do you know it is always polite to say hello first before saying what you wanna say? But anyway, if i am damn gross, what are you gonna do about it? Exterminate me from the surface of this world? Haha. I'm sorry but you cant do that. I have my rights to live. Little girl, (though i am not that much of an adult) since you are that free to bother coming to my blog and telling me that i'm gross, i'll just have to say that you're not immaturedly mature as you should be. (i did not say i'm matured so you cant use that against me.) I have spammed many blogs and it's not the right thing to do. And i think i've learnt my lessons. But i have no qualms about spamming if whoever that person may be is insulting my friends or i. So have i insulted you or your friends? Do tell me. Then i'll meet up with you to settle things. Then again you'll just reply that going to meet me is a waste of your time. So forget it. Haha. Do you have anything else to say? Continue tagging, and i'll continue entertaining. After all, you'll just bring readers to read about my life which ain't that exciting to read about. Thanks for boosting my popularity, though i rather not be popular. Haha.

2009-06-25T01:55:00.003+08:00

i feel down.
i feel sad.
i feel distraught.
i feel torn apart.
i feel empty, and yet heavy.
what an irony

i just wanna run.
i just wanna fly.
i just wanna scream.
scream til my lungs burst.
i just wanna cry real bad.
i just wanna be alone.

i have to control.
i have to focus.
i have to study.
i have to pass.
with flying colours i hope.
i have to chill.
i have to remain calm.
i have to stop arguing.
i have to stop throwing my temper.
i have to believe.
i have to trust him.

i need to start getting used to things.
i need to start getting used to being alone.
i need to start focusing.
i need to start studying.
i need to start getting used to stress.
i need to start opening up.
i need to start coming out from my little world.
i need to start believing.
i need to start trusting him.

time for psycho session.

why do i study?
to get good grades.
why do i want to get good grades?
to get into a university.
why do i want to get into a university?
so that i can get a degree.
why do i want to get a degree?
so that i can get a job and have a stable income.
why do i want to have a stable income?
cos i will then have enough to save up.
why do i want to save up?
so that i can travel and also prepare for the family i wanna bring up.
why do i want to prepare for the family i wanna bring up?
because my future husband wants nothing but the best for our kids.
who is my future husband?
raymond goh zhen yu.

[ i bet people are gonna say things will change in the years to come. you people can say all you wanna say. but i believe. this is my first step to believing all over again. i believe in this love. it ain't puppy love, it ain't young love. it is a love maried couples hold. but for now, that love is too strong for us 2 teenagers to hold on to. until we're older, until we're stronger. ]

2009-06-22T16:08:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Bestfriend Mark Lim! (:

heyhey, it's been a long time since i've went out with you.
miss those tuition days. hahah.
thank you for always being there when i needed somebody to cry to.
now i dont do that much though i do cry more.
but that's cos there's raymond.
however, you would still be there if things between raymond and i got too crazy.
and i really appreciate it. heh.
miss you loads bestfriend!
i really thank the Lord for bringing you into my life.
Have a wonderful happy 17th! (: 1 more year to watch m18 shows!
but you can sneak in anyway, stupid tall freak! hahaha!

The Great Comeback

2009-06-22T01:22:00.002+08:00

samsung AYG challenge: beach netball today.
got 3rd place. hahaha
swopped my mp3 for a dvd player with the runner up hahah.
but oh well, we had fun, didnt we girls? hahaha
and our chemistry was still there. what joy! (:

amazing how a simple act can break your trust.
and i tried to trust you again after you broke my trust so many times.

2009-06-21T01:23:00.004+08:00

teeheehee. somebody go privatise her blog.
hahaha. then her loyal fan cannot read.
awww so sad ): boohoohoo.
wonder why she wanna privatise when it is www.________. blogspot.com
www = world wide world.
hahaha wanna use the internet, must be daring to let the whole world read.
hahahaha. i am not at fault. i didnt insult anybody. i am stating facts.
teeheehee. wonder who is gonna scold me now.
but hahaha! i dont wanna listen to you.
MY blog mah. hahah i learn from my "idol" hehe.
no la, im not affected by her. i am really just bored so i looked for the blog.
i am after all a loyal reader. heehee. xD

2009-06-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

so many uncertainties.
and all i have to erase all of it is my trust.
can you make my trust strong enough to believe you, please?
cos right now, i know my trust ain't that strong.
that is why i am weak. i cant trust you enough.
can you please help me? ):
it's like i do trust you, but it is not the kinda strong trust couples are supposed to have.

i finally understood how much your freedom meant to you.
and i finally understood what it meant to just live for the present.
i know you believe who is the one in that white dress in the future.
and with your help, i will learn to believe just as much as you believe.
but please. help me. ):

2009-06-18T19:13:00.004+08:00

met grace and raymond today.
they played tennis while i went swimming.
i have an un even tan now.
nice one carmen.
aiya, gracey lim! we go and tan one day cannnn!!
i want to even it out hahaha.

english tip of the day:
barbarian - (n)
1. a person in a savage, primitive state; uncivilized person.
2. a person without culture, refinement, or education.
3. (loosely) a foreigner.

and i know what you will say, i'm uncivilized. but sorry, uncivilized people dont use proper english and get A1 for their english o levels.

just had to clarify things. and i didnt say anything bad. so i am not at fault. (:
i want to sleep but i've got piano. aiya i shall go eat.

2009-06-18T00:55:00.002+08:00

the following are purely clarifications. i have been trouble for far too long.

to jess: heard you were insulted as i described you as "big shot freak". sincerely, i apologise. but to clarify things, it was my problem with pric. so pric should have gone to raymond on her own. you shouldn't have messed with me as well. you met insane me. but whatever it is, put it behind us. you are not in my life, neither am i in yours. i am sorry but i dont seek forgiveness. i dont deserve it.

to pricilla: everything, put it behind us. firstly, 25 nov 2018 is not about me thinking too far ahead. that is my birthday, raymond was 18 last year. i just thought of that date so that i could have a permanent post to post that picture there. obsessive, maybe. i've chased 2 girls away. but maybe i am just insane. i dont think straight anymore. i'm simply.. messed up. but whatever it is, don't bitch anymore, please? don't complain. it's tiring, hurts others, and you'll slowly lose who you truly are. i'm a live example. sincere apologies for all the troubles. but again, i dont seek forgiveness.

my life's a mess and i have no idea how to clear it up.

here's a polite dedication to you pricilla

2009-06-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

haha. firstly, let's start with english lesson.
A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E-D. understand?
"standing up" doesn't mean using my legs in this situation. it means in support of or protecting somebody.

secondly, no i can't babysit her. she's not in MY team, she's in YOURS.

thirdly, tracking is my specialty. already found you today. short little girl in a white shirt. shirt was too big for you so i couldn't see what colour shorts you were wearing. waiting to cross the road to head for clementi interchange. at about 6.40pm. was smiling really wide while talking with a girlfriend. 2 guys standing at the back. headed towards bus 96 berth. i even know your background. you had ponytail from sec 1 to sec 2, a weird hairstyle in sec 3 first year. kinda spiked up at the side, wearing specs.

fourthly, you're not the first person to say i look older than my actual age. there is nothing to be sad about. cos honestly there are 2 ways to how i look in the picture. either raymond looks young for his age, or i look matured. both ways, they are positive. you're not insulting me at all. (:

lastly, jess told you to be nice to raymond cos he is gonna stop our disagreement. funny how people think raymond can control me. wonder why cant they get my number from him and settle things with me on their own? always getting people to help. bores me. but well since jess is some kinda big shot freak in the team, then by all means, i'm outta of your way. another tag, i make sure jess knows about it. and another bitching about raymond, i'll make sure jess knows too.

adios senorita. it was a pleasure causing trouble for you. :P

to: pricilla lum of REACH dragonboat. hahaha!

2009-06-16T11:15:00.003+08:00

well, let's see how much you've contradict yourself and how much facts you've gotten wrong, shall we? (:

1) it takes one insane person to recognise the other. you've just called yourself insane by calling grace insane. guess you dont mind that, do you?

2) your purpose of rowing is not for charity purpose. yea i know. but what team are you under? REACH team. what is REACH? some charity organisation isn't it? so why not be an actual saint by trying instead of ACTING like a saint? hope your o lvl grades allow you to go to sajc then you can act a SAINT. (:

3) i didnt say i would allow one person affect the entire team. neither did i say you should. i said you should stop her from affecting the team. a leader do not consider the majority nor the minority. as captain, i consider the whole TEAM. if not i rather go play beach volleyball, there's only 2 person on the team. -.- you're not even captain. so dont talk so much rubbish about being leader. (: i'm sorry if your seniors get annoyed, and the training gets screwed up. but seriously, if nobody takes any action, wouldn't the annoyance and trainings get more screwed? haha.

4) hidden politics in my team? yea sure. but we clear it up. all the time. new ones develop, we clear it up again. the important thing is WE CLEAR THINGS UP. but do you?

5) yea people will know my image for sure. they know i am simply bored. and i just felt like going against you. and they will realise that you got affected by me. therefore you BOTHERED to find out what my blog is. isn't that so, kid? what about your image? you have 3 posts dedicated to me. you have gone 3 levels lower than me. HELLO *waves from above!*

6) sorry i'm a typical singaporean, and i comment hell lot. but if you read my tags again ( oh i forgot, you didnt want anybody to see the truth in my tags so you removed your tagboard.) i gave you alot of solutions. you just dont wanna try. do you think i'm that dumb to suggest so much but yet not have any solutions? do you want me to join your db team to befriend , what's her name? shu yan is it?. takes a load of your shoulders. but sorry, netball is important to me. and besides, if i join the team, i might be more trouble to you. sounds tempting to me. but i got no time for another sport.

7) one reason to bother trying: isn't a friend gained better than an enemy gained, or in this case, isn't a friend gained better than staying mad all the time? (:

8) are you sure there are even readers who understands what's going on? there's only your stand on your blog. and my tags have been deleted. oh yea, i forgot. it's your blog. pardon me. wait hold on, this is MY blog now. i should not ask for you to pardon me. (:

9) why should we lay low? to me, how you said "maybe you all might want to lay low" is as good as "if you dont back off, you're in for trouble." do you have a huge group waiting to bash me up? i'll be waiting then. (:

10) if you realised by now, i wasn't arguing for raymond. and raymond doesn't know your blog. don't assume he is as bored as me to find out.

11) raymond is not my boyfriend. we're just really good friends and i gladly say im totally infatuated by him. what about you? still trying hard to get alex? wish you luck. i dont have to try to get raymond. we decided to remain as friends cos it's for the best.

12) oh ya, i am not affected by you. honestly. i just find it really fun to annoy you. you just entertain me by playing along with me. get mad and annoyed more. dedicate more posts for me on your blog. you're promoting my popularity (: tag my board. it's for the PUBLIC. stop saying you are not affected by me. cos if you're not, you wouldnt even be at my blog. neither would you dedicate 3 posts to me to explain your team problems to me. please, use your brain a little more (:

let me check what i've wrote and see if i have contradicted myself.. hmm.
then again, i dont think so.
pricilla, read alright? (: tell me if i'm wrong. unlike you, i appreciate it.
i dont bitch back saying you're a busybody. i accept it. POLITELY.
good luck for O LEVELS! try to get A1 for english alright (: remember it's S-T-O-R-Y not S-T-O-R-E-Y. hahahahha

2009-06-15T23:46:00.002+08:00

today's the 15th of june.
i went to clementi cc after dinner.
i saw my cute guy.
this time, things were different.
i wasn't staring at a stranger.
i was staring at the one i love.

embark on life's wonderful journey and discover it's secrets. (:

2009-06-15T18:03:00.003+08:00

am back.
i didnt buy much stuff.
because, it's not a shopping area!
totally just for relaxation.
i did facial, manicure, pedicure, body polish.
i went sun tanning.
dammit, didnt do it well. no time.
nvm. i'll go do a proper tan sometime soon. haha
i am supposed to be at grandma place now but whatever la.

bored and i need cash. and i need to study.
and i need to train damn hard on tuesday to be damn good on court on wed night.
hahahaha.

2009-06-13T12:54:00.002+08:00

i didnt know computer services weren't free at the hotel. dammit.
they didnt say anything about the charges in the info booklet.rawr!

anyway, went snorkelling ytd.
damn, the sea was beautiful.
i wanna learn diving.
my sis went diving, but i dare not.
i think i would've panicked.
and my chest will start hurting.
okay nvm.
i just wanna go back to sg.
thailand sure is fun.
but, i rather go back.
if i could, i'll go back this instance.

GRACEYYY! GO FIND A NICE DATE TO STAY OUT! HAHAHA!
but, i realised i weekdays not free. hmm.
next sunday perhaps.
miss you alot alot alot alot! hahah.

i honestly, wanna go back. ):

2009-06-10T19:53:00.001+08:00

haha im now at the airport.
waiting to board my plane to koh samui, thailand.
gracey, stay strong! love you girl.

and i'll miss you too as well dear.

2009-06-10T01:46:00.002+08:00

i am not a weak girl.
i am not dependent.
i am simply addicted.
if i am weak, i would not be able to hold out those fights for him.
stop seeing my jealousy as a weakness.
i am a strong girl.
stop deciding for me that my life is better off without him.
when the fact is, my life will be damn screwed.
and i will be weaker instead of the stronger girl you people think i will be.

2009-06-08T21:39:00.001+08:00

went to school.
and back.
hahah damn dumb
just to pass up chinese.
chinese is a waste of my time!! rawrrr!~

pearl, lynn and yumi surprised me at my place.
yes what good friends.
missed them like crazayye.
these are the friends that will never fail to brighten up my day.
and they are always free. except yumi.
SOH YOUME STUDY HARD FOR O LEVELS YOOO!
PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!

AND AND AND AND AND!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH BANANA GN YAN TING!
HAHAHAHA BAE KYM JIOOO!
STAY STRONG THROUGH ALL YOUR CAMPS!
DONT FALL SICK.
WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU TOOOO!!

why cant they understand. hais.

2009-06-07T23:12:00.002+08:00

spent the weekend with gracey. Haha.
Thanks for not giving up and for really always being there. I will be there for you as well. Always, without fail.
Tears shed, hearts broken. But it will all be mended. All in due's time.
Can't they just understand us? Seriously, one day, if possible. We need to switch bodies with our guys and understand each other.

But honestly, why cant they understand? Oh well. I'm glad there was today. And i wished everything stayed the same except my time spent with r rewinds back to 2008.

2009-05-31T23:41:00.002+08:00

am back from FIBA 3v3 bball competition.
hahah 3 netballers, annette aubrey and i!
we are W.R.Y. hahahah!

our opponents were SP1, SP2, team kampong ubi kembangan (red), (blue) and (green).
hahahaha.
below are our scores.

us vs SP1 : 10-0
us vs SP2 : 10-0
us vs red : 16-28
us vs blue: 2-22
us vs green: 7-10

hahaha but oh well. we had fun right girls (:
BABY BABY I MISS YOU! TALK TO ME MORE ON FACEBOOK! LOVE YOU MUACKS!

2009-05-31T18:55:00.003+08:00

i have decided.

1) To live my life like when i was back in secondary four. The only difference would be i'll have new groups of friends. (:

2) To put my relationship into God's hands. He will guide me thru this relationship with raymond and he will help us with our difficulties. I know this relationship will last as long as i allow God into it and He will bless us.

3) To study hard not only for my future, but for the welfare of the family that i will bring up in years to come. I only want the best for my kids, and so does my boy. We will study hard for our family, k bi? (:

4) To not bother about any girls that are friends with raymond. He shall be responsible for any mistakes if he should make any in the future. He will settle those girls on his own. I will just spend happy times with and though i will get jealous, i should be proud that girls like my boyfriend cos that shows that my boyfriend is a popular and hot guy and i'm the luckiest girl cos i've got him. So all you girls, happy wishing in getting him. Nothing will ever break us apart. Except maybe God. But please God, don't ok? Heh.

5) To balance my time between my friends and raymond. I cannot neglect my friends for they have played a huge part in my life. Thank you people. Sorry for neglecting you.

Baby, should you read this, i know you'll be proud of me cos your baby girl is starting to understand life and starting to see things in a positive life. She has begun to grow up. (: love you baby. Wish you were here. Heh.

2009-05-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

honestly, seriously, all friends of my boy who are of the female gender.
you girls should know where you stand.
if those who are just merely friends, good for you.
i would really wish to meet you cos i dont know any of his friends.
but for those who are really close and goes, "miss you." like ma xin, watch out okay.
you are that close to crossing the line.
melissa reeal?, you're an exception. i wanna meet you too.

i dont even know if you girls would ever read my blog. but whatever.

hey baby, i miss you loads.
hope you're enjoying yourself in japan (:
can't wait for you to be back. cos i wanna give you a big big hug! heh.

2009-05-30T00:04:00.002+08:00

i realised, i can have many friends.
and yet, i can be lonely all the time.
many friends are just a call away.
but i feel bad for neglecting them all these while.
i end up picking up my phone, and putting it back down again.
i dont have a special clique of my own.
i dont have a special bestfriend that's by my side all the time.
my bestfriend is at the other end of singapore.
and let's just say, we do run out of topics to talk about.
my clique of ct netballers are spread out to different schools.

am i too dependant on my boy?
am i over-reliant on him?
the only person i wanna go out with is him.
the only person i wanna meet is him.
i forgot about my friends.
it's supposed to be a big issue.
but sometimes i dont care.
i want my boy to be by side all day.
what's with the issue of trust and i?
i cant seem to trust him.
i wish to eliminate every single girl that has a crush on him
including u, liying.
but that's just my wish. a horrifying one too.

so many questions i wish to ask.
and all just came in only a day.
my boy left not too long for japan.
and im starting to think of all these negative thoughts.
what the hell is wrong with me?
honestly, i dont even know.
he gets to meet my friends, i havent met any of his yet.
i know i'll feel awkward around them, but doesnt he feel awkward around my friends at first?
i can get used to it mah.
but, i always feel as if his friends know something about him,
something i was never meant to find out.
something if i knew, i would be afraid.
but yet again, i wanna know more, or rather everything about my boy.
i want to love every thing about him, his flaws, his talents. everything.

i just need answers.
and i just need that last thing to make me feel fully secured.
baby, you should know what it is.
i wish you were right here beside me now.
cos i miss you so bad )):

2009-05-28T21:13:00.003+08:00

just remembered something baby said.

i met him just now, and he said, "i wished i owned a car."
i replied, "dont you already own one? "
he: * looks at me* " yea one that has only 2 wheels (legs). i want a refund!"
me: "but you cant. she's priceless."

wheets! baby you got nothing say. teeheehee!

2009-05-28T20:46:00.002+08:00

study geography!!
study geography!!
study geography!!

i miss baby already, but he's not even at the airport yet.
arghhh, dammit 1 week plus.
weekends, occupied with basketball. 2 days gone.
monday, go to school for gp, 3 days gone.
tuesday, go to school for econs, training at night.4 days gone.
wednesday, night got match. in the day how?! 5 days gone.
thursday, oh man, do what? meet bestfriend? maybe i should. piano at night. 6 days gone.
friday, training at night. in the day. do homework la.! haha 7 days gone.
SATURDAY! BABY COMES BACK WHEETS!

1 week will pass by fast.
it will pass by very fast.
[ honestly, does reverse psychology actually works? ): ]
i miss baby. hais.

STUDY GEOGRAPHY!!
STUDY GEOGRAPHY!!
STUDY GEOGRAPHY!!
STOP BLOGGINGGG!!!!! RAWRR!

2009-05-26T22:31:00.003+08:00

OMG I JUST SAW SUBHAS NAIR ON SCHOOLS NATIONALS ADVERTISEMENT!
OH MAN! I WANNA WATCH SCHOOLS NATIONALS TOMORROW!
BUT I'VE GOT MATCHHH!!
WA LAOOOOOXZXZXZ!
I WONT BE ABLE TO CATCH SUBHAS ON TV!
WHEN I RUSHED BACK ON MY BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR JUST TO SEE HIM ON OKTO LIVE!
HAHAHAHAHAHA. YES SUBHAS! YOU ARE THAT IMPORTANT A FRIEND! (:

2009-05-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

nose runs, back aches.
shit im falling sick.
how how how!
and and and, tmr night got match ):
and and and, weekend got bball competition ):
omg omg omg. i cant fall sick.
carmen get well!!!!

i need to studyyyyy ):):):):
siannnn, i dont have the mood to study... ):):
argh, i feel like sleeping...
why why why, am i so busy??
i need to set my priorities right.
one priority has gone to settle his own priorities, that i need not worry.
plus he'll be gone for a week! to japan ):
next priority, studies. omg omg just the last 3 days, just chiong ah!!!
following priority, netball. tain hard, get MVP! muhahahah!
what else? bball competition? that is for fun. but Aub and Ann, hahah jiayou! (:

arghhh study now la girl! ):):):):):):

2009-05-25T23:54:00.002+08:00

boo. i want all tests to end. i want to be genius.
i want to pass everything without studying.
but that is not possible!
i wana be albert einstein! wahahah.
arghhh.
i dont feel guilty not studying.
but then, i know i need to study.
i have a million and one uncomplete homework.
so wth am i supposed to do..
urghhh..
maybe i should sleep. wahahah!
i miss baby. loads ):

2009-05-24T22:51:00.002+08:00

baby dropped by today.
cos aubrey and yk were over at my place.
haha! told u to go talentime with me!
bleahh.
okay i need to pass the com to sis and study geog! ciaos!

talentime 2009

2009-05-24T13:05:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAH
PEIXUAN WON ALOT OF MONEEEHHH...
TREAT ME TO DINNERRR!!

omg omg omg omg, baby's dad was the GUEST OF HONOUR last night!!
hahahahaha..
but i didnt say hi. too many peepo talking to himmm.
i sat with kaina/class at first.
then after that i sat with truggers.
heh. shiyu is funnehh.
i realised i didnt take much photos.
but skypers took a photo.
BRYANT CHIANG QUICKLY UPLOADDD.
yes one photo is enough.
cos i dont take much photos. muhahahah!
aubrey and yk stayed over. ahah quite funneh.
but oh well. i have never reached home so late before.
like 12 plus going 1. hahaha!
and aubrey say my house very kampong style. hahahaha!

ahhhh it's a sunday alreadyyy.
i shall wait for mcdelivery! (: yummy yum yum

2009-05-22T23:11:00.003+08:00

people should just grow up and stop dragging others into their shit.

yes, im fortunate!

2009-05-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

i may thow tantrums.
i may cry for no apparent reasons.
i may get mad and yell.
and i may not understand him at all.
i know im not a perfect girlfriend.
and i may be horrible at times, not bothering to listen.
but i am fortunate because...

each time im upset, he is always there.
most of the time not physically there.
but he'll sms, and he'll call.
and no matter how stubborn i am, he still tries.
he's always tolerating my nonsense.
and he always sees through my mask.
knowing im only faking a smile to stop him from worrying.
and he'll continue cheering me up.
thanks baby, for loving me so much no matter how horrible i've been.
thanks for always being there, physically, mentally, emotionally.
ily sweets. i hope i can see you soon (:

2009-05-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

me: this is the world, i give you the world (passes the world to bryant.)
bryant: thank you. *act cute face*

i got owned before i could finish my joke. LOL!

2009-05-20T00:09:00.002+08:00

econs test, worry so much but ended up being confident at the end.
lit test, never worry but ended up thinking i'll fail.

maths quiz tomorrow.
urghh, what can i do tomorrow?
end at 2pm, thn what to do! ):
skype gang is skypinggg.
but ME BOREDDD
i miss baby ):

2009-05-18T19:19:00.001+08:00

(: sweet sweet love.

study time!

another day gone.

2009-05-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

went to church with jack and russell.
met grace at the front of church.
weiyang came along later on.
and cell with jack and grace.
friends (:

bus-ed to kaina's condo.
haha i pressed the bell too early.
so jack and i had to walk a long walk. LOL!
reached and studied at the reading room.
yay had macs for lunch. yum!
i dont feel any accomplishment from study session.
econs, i dont understand.
maths, okay i did alittle.
gp, ahh die la. havent even hand up draft ):
i feel so stress. ):):):
but i must hang on, i must pull through.
cos he's holding on too.

friends made my day (:
i dont hurt that much today bi.
i simply just miss you.
i will stay strong (:

what a day

2009-05-17T01:29:00.003+08:00

went for MI carnival, left crying.
sorry, i miss you too damn much.

met weijie and lacson for dinner.
yoshinoya-ed and i completed chinese.
yes chinese down, more work to complete.
sian tests nxt week.
lacson bought me $23.64 worth of chocolates.
weijie treat me dinner.
thanks you two for tyring to cheer me up (:

death seems like an appropriate option to stop all hurt, but i cant die. i would only lose him forever.

tags replied

2009-05-15T23:31:00.005+08:00

to liying: yes yes i know things have ended. but can you read? i said i assumed, i said if it is not wern dheng, huge apologies. i said i wont take back my words meaning my words would be meant for whoever that person is. how would i feel if you insulted my friend for smth she didnt do? well, i'll only step in when things get drastic, which means no apologies or whatever. yes we've stayed out of each others life, just that school's so small we bump into each other so much. guess that's how our lives will ever connect, thru school. anyway, read my prev post. i said i am tired of arguing with anybody. apologies i've said, stating that i'll just stop arguing with people. dont you think your clarification is a waste of your time? dont waste your time on me. go and study. you're having A levels. just leave me in my little world. i've not grown up and im still immatured. im barely 17. jiayou and all the best.

to ugly grace: yes many people have the same name. okay you have no relation to liying. yea she mention the word ugly, but got say it's you? no right? yes we are childish. happy? we admit already? happy? but what do you earn from this verbal war? nothing right? just that you win us. YAY! what an achievement. sorry we aren't matured. but what are we to do? we are merely 16 years old. so are you happy that you've won? gosh.

to aubrey: yea yea i know, didnt i mentioned i will start on my overdued work? yes i know im a horrible girl. Lol! im no mugger. and im captain. Haha! i suck at this FOR NOW. but i WILL IMPROVE. i love you too!

to GRACE!: you horrible girl! hahahah always never read de. zzz. yea la let me settle la. i very sian alreadyyy. my blog turning into war zone. next time i should put my mouse cursor as machine guns. okay i shall stop laming. yea dont bother. let me settle. lol

to Liyokh: huh? who are you?

yes all settled. at least i think it is. or do you have anything else to say?
geesh im tired. ):

2009-05-15T11:08:00.002+08:00

Okay, maybe I went too far with my previous 2 posts.
I will not erase the posts as they are events that occured in my life and this blog is about my life.
If you think I'm staring then I'll just avoid the direction when you are there lorh.
I'm just very tired of arguing with anyone.
Raised voices, crying, vulgarities, act of pity. Urgh I've had enough.
Everyone should just be themselves and not bother about whtlat others comment about you.
Baby taught me that. See sweetie, you've taught me alot. Thank you <3

School is making me bored and I miss my boy so much. Argh I should start on my overdued work.
JIAYOU CARMEN your baby wants you to do well and he loves you. (:
(what a way to self-motivate myself. Haha)

2009-05-15T01:19:00.002+08:00

life sucks. training me to survive when baby goes army.
sian. lucky skype gang exists. and javier, and gwen and peixuan and aubrey. (:
bought shoelaces with skype gang. kaina please wear.
okay, now to the main point.

to ugly:
im disappointed in you that you would dare declare yourself as ugly. if you're a girl, you just disgraced the female species. if you're a guy, go get yourself some balls cos a guy without an ego is not a guy at all. actually if i do my inference properly, i would guess you are a girl. your name is not grace, you copied my friend. my blog do not have much spammers so spammers usually come from people i scold in my blog. therefore, wern dheng, why dont you write your name? my previous post merely said, "honestly, who wanna stare at you?" i did not state that you are ugly, did i? calling me childish aren't you? did i state that i am matured? i didnt right? so you must feel a great achievement in pointing out that i am childish. i am so "sorry" you had to read the childish conversation between my friend and i on MY tagboard. i did say all i welcome to read my blog, so i've got no rights to scold you for that. but i have something to say, if you have a name, use it. dont try to be sarcastic and use my friend's name. if you have your own name, fucking use it. clearly, i see no wrong in me blogging what i felt about you. but clearly, your brain must be crazy enough to even allow you to name yourself ugly. stop being a coward. i dared you to tell me in the face, didnt i?

oh yea, if turns out that you, ugly, are not wern dheng, huge apologies. but i will not take back what i said. read my blog as much as you want. i allow you. comment as much as you want. but if you can't win me, dont think about tagging at all. if this is about the issue between liying and me, let me remind, there is no longer anymore issue. i won the fight, and raymond is my boy now. you people can say he's a flirt. but who gives a shit anymore? i win. so shut the fuck up.

grace, don't reply to the tag k? i settle this myself. thanks for your help though.
oReo, i've stopped grace. but i had to get things settled, and that explains my blogpost. forgive me for my language sweetheart. ily.

With my eyes

2009-05-13T15:21:00.002+08:00

i like to stare cannot is it?
stupid j2. i got eyes, i want to stare at whatever i wanna stare at.
honestly, who wanna stare at you?
i was merely stoning at that direction.
you caught my attention and got me out of my daze.
by then you looked at my direction.
staring hor?
say so loud, might as well come to my face and say "stop staring at me."
but you dont dare right? i dare you.

HAPPY 5TH MONTH

2009-05-12T00:41:00.004+08:00

5 months past by so fast.

[edited again]

" let's take a break, just until after mid years."
It sucks to the max.
I can't explain all the thoughts and emotions that ran through my mind last night.
But I guess this short break will make the past be forgotten.
We both can also focus on our studies.
Trust matters. I will always be waiting.

When all else fail, our love will prevail.

understanding

2009-05-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

only a little more understanding, but is it enough?
why do i expect so much?
why do i always want things to go my way?
but then again, am i giving in too much?
am i forgiving too easily?
too much comments, im confused.

oh well, main focus now.
study hard carmen.
and train hard for upcoming ENL.
studies, netball and after that, baby (:

HAPPY MUMMY DAY!

2009-05-10T21:31:00.002+08:00

dearest mummy, i hope you enjoyed your day today (:

i've gotta be a little more understanding.
i've gotta be a little more matured.
i've gotta be a little more trusting.
i've gotta be a little more self-less.

but you were everything to me
I was begging you, "Please don't go"

2009-05-07T23:53:00.003+08:00

slowly, slowly i will complete my work.
stayed back to do chinese today.
i am glad i managed 2 pages on my own! (:(:
i never copy lehhxzxzx!
now i have like econs to do and geog to do.
carmen, dont get owned by your school work!
own them! muhahahaha!
i must be trying to get high.
but in actual fact, i'm not high.
my face is stoning at the computer right now.
oh yea, im supposed to do work.
oReo, you'll be proud of me, i promise (:

JIAYOU JIAYOU CARMENNNNN!

stay strong, my love.

2009-05-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

i need to catch up on geography, economics, general paper and chinese.
yes i know im screwed with so many crazy topics that i cant catch up.
but i think i should be able to catch up soon.
i have to keep working hard.
i have to make oReo proud of me (:
yea i promise you i'll smile the nxt meeting.
i knw i smile in school, but it's tiring.
i want to smile and not feel tired of it.
yupp, i want that. jiayou carmen!

2009-05-02T19:10:00.000+08:00

i finally realised..
trust matters a whole lot more than i thought it mattered.

2009-05-02T00:57:00.001+08:00

i wished i could turn back time.
and return to dec 2008 when everything was fine.

2009-05-01T00:57:00.000+08:00

it hurts, it fucking hurts.
and who can i blame but only myself.

2009-04-30T01:34:00.002+08:00

control and learn to change.
what's a relationship without communication, giving in, tolerance and trust?
i realised how similar i am to aubrey.
i am just a 2-4 degrees worse than her.
but i must change. just like what she's doing.
change change change, but dont give in all the time.
love myself just as i love my boy. heh.

shagged.

time management

2009-04-28T19:08:00.002+08:00

had a wonderful team dinner yesterday.
didnt blog cos i was chiong-ing work! i am guai.
i have decided to start being consistent man.
why? i have just been appointed captain.
ahh help.i need time management.
these are things i need to manage:
1) raymond
2) school work
3) netball
4) classmates birthday

jiayou carmennnn....

JJnetball 08/09, you are a great team. and i had fun this season with you (and the holidays too. heh) love you girls loads!
JJnetball 09/10, LET'S GO RECRUITING! HAHAHAH!

girlfriends and best friends

2009-04-26T22:59:00.003+08:00

girlfriends are always there to fight for me, hold me through such obstacles and always making sure i get the best.though they may be scary at times, and fierce that they even scare me somtimes. but hey, at least they know what's best for me and they only wanna protect me from bitches.

best friends which in my case are guys, helps me understands things from a guy's pov. sometimes it might be difficult to understand but at least they help me a little. and they never ever fail to boost my ego, and yet say that it's the truth im the better looking girl. hey bestfriends thanks (:

to my boy: i need you in my life badly. and no matter how much hurt i am suffering now, it cannot be compared to the torturous years i'll suffer if you leave me. that is how badly i need you and how big a part you play in my life. wait, no. you are my life. i love you beyond measures.

i hope life goes smoothly from now on. (:

2009-04-25T13:22:00.002+08:00

i know my blog is for people to read.
but once you've read it, do remember:
whatever anger and hatred i have towards SOMEBODY,
is all just ME. so dont go and sms my boy saying he messed up people's lives.
i'm the one that wants things to go MY way.
and MY way is that I WANT HER OUT.

so DEAREST (as if.) readers who aren't my friends.
stay out of this complicated situation for you dont understand anything.
only know how to blame my boy and thinking she's not at fault.
try and see things from my point of view, how about that?
find out why i want to fight so hard to keep her out
before you start jumping straight into blaming my boy.
cos i can tell you, i argued with him cos he asked me to be nice to her.
he made me promised.
so all of you, if you dont freaking know what's going on and jumping to conclusions just by one blogpost of me shooting her, then i can only say, "get a life dude!"

p.s.
to her: this post is not to shoot you. it's to shoot dumb people who blames my boy. i am staying away from your life as of that last blog post of mine. and if i am keeping to my side of the deal, do keep to your side by staying away. thank you.

can you not keep to your words

2009-04-25T01:36:00.002+08:00

can you please define "i will stay away"?
if you can define it, why not do it?
stop smsing my boyfriend.

keep our heads up high

2009-04-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

complicate situations by winning hci.
we must try no matter what.
go jj netball (:

i have been doing my work recently.
and i have been sleeping early.
and i am still very tired.
siannn.
workload just keeps increasing.
training tomorrow.
i hope my body can survive.
back ache and muscle ache
wowwie. hahah what a surprise.
gp, econs, chinese. good luck carmen. gg -.-

meet the parents

2009-04-19T23:19:00.001+08:00

intergeneration service today.
Weiyang didn't know and he reached church at 9am. Lol. Nvm early is good. Haha. Lunched and grocery shopping with mummy and sister. Went home for a nap before heading down to baby's place. I got study you know! As in, i did my homework there! What a good girl right? Hahaha! Burger king for dinner. Yummy tendergrill burger. Haha! Dessert was konnyaku jelly. Did i spell correctly? Haha. Not sure. :P after dinner, returned back to his place and continue doing my work.

Then! (most exciting/scary part) his family came back. Meet the parents. Gah! Okay la. Not very scary. Just awkward. Haha. I was quiet. Heh. My mouth could keep shut. Lol. But first sight for them, i was studying. Haha. First impression was cool. Heh. Baby sent me to the bus stop and now i'm home! Heh.

Oh and whole day my little boy shawn keep smsing him. Haha. Cutesy! (: i shall sleep! Match tmr! Jiayou JJ NETBALL!!

CTSS carnival 2009

2009-04-19T00:17:00.003+08:00

first pic (:

had training in the morning today.
felt breathless all of a sudden. geesh.
am afraid that might happen during AJC's match.
please dont happen, i wanna play in tip-top position.
stayed in school with annette and aubrey.
guess it's nice to have an older friend to confide in, especially if she's in a r/s too.

headed to ctss for the carnival.
baby was young again! hahaha!
bet he had alot of fun playing woof ball and water fight.
some stupid guy in yellow kept shooting me with the water gun.
couldn't stand it, and yelled. dumb guy, im not even his friend. zzz.

went out of school and saw my little boy, shawnie ho! :D
baby n i sent him home. heh.
sat at the playground nearby and chat with raymond.
then off for home. had dinner with grandma.
pw pi draft is killing me. i wanna sleep ):
ahhh nvm, must jiayou! i wanna get at least a B for pw.
what a good way to prove my better-ness. (:

2009-04-17T18:14:00.001+08:00

leave my blog, my boy, and our life alone.
and i'll leave you alone.

beyond control

2009-04-16T23:17:00.002+08:00

i tried.
but today was too much.
i'm trying to understand.
i really am.
i guess i'll have to try all over again.
i'll keep trying no matter what.
that i can promise you.
but if she crosses the line again,
i dont think i'll be nice anymore.
i'll try to control.
but there's only a limit to what i can hold in.

we'll fight harder

2009-04-15T22:43:00.001+08:00

pray for a 3-way-tie girls!
it was a good fight, so dont be sad! (:
we over-performed as said by ms ng and ms choo.
so just jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

i feel very relieved now.
baby, i trust you (:
love you <3

shagged

2009-04-14T22:14:00.002+08:00

you come my blog, you read my deepest heartfelt emotions. so shut up and keep comments to yourself.

i am very tired right now.
tired of school, tired of being angry, tired of hating.
im really dead shagged.
each time i walk past her in school, i get annoyed.
but the annoyed feeling weighs so heavily on me, i feel so burdened.
i dont want to argue anymore.
but i find it so hard to believe.
i really want to trust and believe.
am i really that insecured?
help, i really need help.
i really want all these emotions to be gone by tmr.
i want to be mentally, emotionally and physcially stable for my match tmr.
even if i dont get to be on court, i just want to be stable.
somebody help.

2009-04-13T23:26:00.001+08:00

what am i to do?

( baby, help ): )

2009-04-12T23:31:00.002+08:00

honestly, i need to get a camera of my own.

the family's digicam aint that good. hahah

anyway, talk it out with raymond.

i'll be nicer, i promise.

i'll try my best to control my tantrums.

talk everything out, laid everything out.

and settled everything.

this time, the past shall be placed behind.

trust, trust, trust.

he gave me a blue rose (seen above) to apologise.

thanks baby. love you loads (:

spent the whole day just chatting.

really, quality is way more important than quantity.

heh.

thanks girlfriends for being there. (:

2009-04-12T00:17:00.003+08:00

so much for having a friend come by to tag my blog.
so much for her to tell me to leave you alone.
so much for my boy to say he will no longer contact you.
all these are pointless, because you contacted him again.
im fine with it, i guess. you 2 are friends.
but keep it that way alright?
dont do anything to waiver the trust i have in my boy.
besides, i dont think anything can waiver the trust and love i have for him.
afterall, every argument we ever had just strengthens the understanding between us (:

but anyway, nice to meet you.
if i feel like it, and when i feel like it, i might just decide to consider you as an acquaintance.

now and always, always here for you.

2009-04-09T23:40:00.002+08:00

everything is alright now.
past 3 days straight of argument was crazy.
hurtful, and crazy but i prevailed through it all.
another side of me had been revealed.
but it has simmered down too.
mafia queen. muhahha

everything has begun a fresh new start.
i may be back at square one,
but it's square one of just him and i.
we'll improve the relationship slowly,
one step at a time.

i'll never give up on you.
like i told you before,
i'll keep on fighting for you no matter what.
life will be better as each day passes by. (:
ilyr <3

2009-04-07T22:49:00.003+08:00

urgh.
paris hilton, notilh sirap. what next?
let's get this straight down to the point.
if you're from jjc. find me in school.
if you're not. find me outside.
dont use the com.
or at least leave your name.

me falling for him more each day, is it voluntarily? i cant help it either.
neither could your friend. so whose fault? okay his fault.
your friend cant leave him, neither can i? whose fault? both of our fault.
so right now, clearly it's everybody's fault.
now how about this, i was kept in the dark and knew nth until feb 09.
what about her? i heard a guy told her about me.

okay, so it's everybody's fault.
then now we come down to the next point.
my blog. and my anger. and my frustration. and my hurt.
all about ME. i have not once thought of stepping up to her.
not once of even speaking to her. so can you freaking just leave me to post abt my emotions?

and one last thing. it's between her and me.
if she aint doing anything, why should you intervene?
if you dont like my face, come and slap me in the canteen okay?
i've had enough of bullshit from cowards like you hiding behind the computer.

tortured pieces of a broken heart

2009-04-06T15:12:00.004+08:00

i dont ever wanna share you with anyone.
i just want you to be mine.
life is so unfair.
i've been waiting since july.
loving you more and more each day.
i will not let her take you away from me.
cos this tortured heart of mine,
will one day do something drastic.
and once it's done,
i will not regret doing it.
just delete her from your world.
or i'll delete her for you.

2009-04-03T00:02:00.002+08:00

idp was quite retarded.
luckily there's sherilyn in the same class.
teeheehee.
i like talking to aubrey lee!!
hahaha so fun to talk to her.
AUBREY LEE! TMR HOW!!!
aiya not like she'll be reading at this unearthly hour.
i cant sleep.
im a little too overly hyped up.

things were wrong.
but now they're settled
the song says everything. (:
ilyr.

2009-04-01T22:49:00.003+08:00

this cannot be happening.
im not giving up.
im fighting all the way.
im not letting go for her.
i have my own fair chance in this fight.
and you girl, stay away from my boy.
whoever you may be.
but if i find out, you better watch your back.

the past few days...

2009-03-31T19:07:00.002+08:00

saturday...
came down with a fever.
couldnt go for src.
my body was all stiff and lethargic.
felt super horrible.
ray came down from his dragonboat trg.
n he bought porridge for me (: heh.
he looked after me the whole day.
thanks :D

sunday...
skipped church.
threw tantrum.
hmm.

monday...
im quite awake in class. hahah.
i wasnt dozing off or anything.
so good girl right! hahha.
had netball pc after that.
i think i overestimated my body.
only could do 7 sets of sprints.
chest pain came back. zzz.
i must get rid of my chest pain.
urgghhh.
ray came to fetch me from school.
teehee :D
i really think im a lucky girl.

today...
cramps are the most annoying thing a girl can have.
cant let me survive the whole day in school.zz
and i skipped src again.
urghh, my body needs to be stronger.
i dont like being so weak ):
my 2.4km un was 12mins 50 secs.
slow. i could have been faster.
arghh i need to strengthen my body.

now. i need to see what work i have to do.
i wonder where paris hilton went. hahah

to paris hilton leh!

2009-03-29T13:55:00.005+08:00

hey paris hilton, im soooo honoured [NOT!] to have you spamming my tagboard.
now first of all, you asked me what makes me think you cant out-talk me? now let me ask you back. what makes YOU think I am stupid? Do you know me in real life? If you do, tell me straight in the face that i'm dumb alright?

secondly, do i have a post in my blog filled with pictures of only me? dont have right? the most i ever had was my prom night pictures. but those are taken with people. i dont exactly like taking photos much. do i constantly write in my blog that im the prettiest girl in the universe, or im a pretty girl? i dont. i only say im pretty when a friend of mine comments about me. now who wouldnt like to announce that he/she has been praised? haha. i'm always more ego among my friends, that i gotta admit. the only recent time i said i was pretty was when i replied my friend shiyun that im a pwetty pwincess. the way i spelt it obviously shows im acting cute. if im acting cute, obviously i dont mean what i typed. i am simply being egoistic with, like i said before, my FRIEND.

if you think im not 'chio', is there a need to say sorry? after all it is your comment. plus, you said i THINK i am 'chio'. then let me think what i wanna think. do you want to manipulate my mind? do you want to control my life? do you want to control what i wanna think of myself? but too bad you cant. cos i control my own life, and i will think what i wanna think. if i wanna think im a beautiful girl, then i'll think i am. your comment does not affect me at all. the only comments i will take seriously would be comments from my family, my close friends and my boy. your comments mean nothing to me but a pile of dust that i can sweep away. you mean nothing to me.

tag my blog again. if you really think you can out talk me :D

ohmigosh!

2009-03-26T22:33:00.002+08:00

i think my classmates and i are too bored cos we have no tests.
thus we started coming out with brain-teasers.
they seem to need alot of logic, but practically, there are all brainless games.

and i just totally screwed up.
my lit essay apparently is missing.
ohmigosh.
i feel so aiusyfpuwedjnc now.
siannn.. ahhh..
this sucks.

2009-03-21T22:18:00.003+08:00

loving you with no regrets.

3 days in a row with him :D
today went for src trg/meeting.
thn left to go for sis's dance competition.
raymond came as well.
hehe. quite okay la.
but i think im partially deaf due to the crazy screaming.
gave me a freaking headache.
ben&jerry's with raymond after the whole event.
double cookie euphoria is the best thing on earth.
always eat it with sweet cream and cookies & chocolate chip cookie dough.
hehehehe. :D
i seriously think crocs are urgggglyyyy.
OKAY I NEED TO DO WORK BYE BYE.

2009-03-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

i seriously think going down to play bball on friday is more worth it.
as in, i think i can defend better there.
cos i get pissed off with irritating guys.
and all the more i would wanna intercept their damn passes.
i miss playing ball at clementi today.
but at least i had a dear friend spent the wholeeee day with me today
heheheh :D
ahhh i still got undone gp work.
zzz.
gotta chiong ciaos.

10 BUCKS TOMORROW!

2009-03-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

FAM JIE DENGGG! TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY!
TIME FLIES SUPER FAST!
ME WANT MY 10 DOOLAHS! HAHAHA!

my butt muscles are aching.
and a dumb dumb is not replying my smses.
i am not very happy about it ):
i am very bored now.
hmfph.

2009-03-15T03:11:00.002+08:00

i just realised how dead my blog is.
omg!
but what to do? i have been busy.
and i have been coming back late from school.
and i've been chiong-ing work.
urghhh, i have bad time management.
somebody please help me ):

latest update of my life:
i am still having bad coughs. siannxzxz
friday, i had sports meet.
i ran 4x400m. and banni j1 team came in 4th.
not bad worh. it's the 1st j1 team.
we lost to 3 j2 teams. but whatever mannn.
it's not bad.
and i could run better! :D
longer strides, and last lap sprint.
me happy (:
went for dental, and went back to school.
hehe me miss yumi and linyan and jyeo and gladys.
HELLO WHO WANTS TO MAHJONG DURING THE HOLIDAYS?!?!?!?!
HAHAHHA!!!!

okay i think that's all so farrrr...
hahaha i really feel like blogging everyday.
i should get back to that habit.
oh and about my blogskin. hahha
it's a temp. im just using it for cheap thrill.
and for money! :D
will be changing it on wednesday. hehe!
okay i want to sleep nights.